Happy Birthday Mom!

Today is my mother's 59th Birthday. And this year is my 3rd time absent from her side on her birthday.

When I woke up this morning, alert in my brain warned me that today is mom’s birthday. My morning prayer today was mainly for mommy although several more names I mentioned as well. As I prepared myself to go to office this morning, I played a song from Il Divo with title “Mama” (thanks to Stella who introduced me to this beautiful song) and it accompanied me thinking about my mommy…and it went to flash back memories.

My first thought was, how fortunate I am that I have inherited the same genes as she has. Everyone says that I look like my mommy. I have her type of face that mostly the reason why everyone says so. She is type of cheerful person and very friendly. Sometime I could not imagine how friendly she is since she has bunch of friends, she could mingle with everyone from up over to down under.

I remember when I was a kid, my mom used to make dresses for me and I love that especially when she involved me by asking what type of lace, button, and accessories I would like to have in my dress. Our taste of fashion is more or less the same so I trust her for this matter.

I smiled alone when my mind took me to a silly moment. One day I was making a stupid joke to her by saying: “you sent packages to brother in Brisbane five times more than you sent me here; it seems you love him more than you love me”. I didn’t realise that she kept those words into her mind deeply and soon she sent me packages full with dried food I like and even new shirts. I felt so guilty by doing so. Even until today whenever she asked me if I need something from home, I always said: no. I don’t want to bother her with little things which I could manage myself.

I talked a lot with mommy (more than to daddy) and especially after I left home for my study purpose. I could even spend hours and hours on the phone just to tell her about my daily experiences. I felt so relief after I told her about things that have just happened with me even only tiny things.

But these days, I realise that I have lots of things I even haven’t shared with her. However, deep down my heart I know that she has lots of things that she has not shared with me yet. Like today which is supposed to be your special day. I could feel it from here that right now you are not really enjoying today as much as you should have. I could feel it by reading your really short sms with unusual request today after I sent you mine. But Mom, I am sure you will manage it well as I believe in you because you are strong. Mom, I know these days you have a lot of things in your mind due to lots of things happened in our big family even including things happened with me but I really don’t want to make you sad about those things. It is really make me feeling blue (don’t know whether you realise it or not) every time you said that you are having again headache and another headache.

I know she cares and loves me and always want me to be happy with my life. She has her own hope for me and I don’t blame her for doing so. One day after a long and tiring conversation, I told her: Mom, although I know it is not really appropriate to ask you this thing but still I want you to know about my feeling: Please don’t put a lot of expectation on me and my life because if I could not fulfil it…it will hurt me instead. She just quiet and finally said: it is fine by me just don’t worry about me.

I am so grateful that my mother is my mother. I love you Mom and Happy Birthday!

This is a piece of Il Divo lyrics which I love the most:

Mama I hope this makes you smile
I hope you’re happy with my life
At peace with every choice I made
How I’ve changed along the way
Cause I know you believed in all of my dreams
And I owe it all to you, Mama.