Yesterday

It was the first time I felt so strange walking down the same road I used to have…like I have never seen the road before. It felt like my body didn’t have its strength even to walk me home, so freezing inside although I had enough warm clothes on me. I didn’t even look at straight view to the road in front of me but instead I was just busy looking down at my own short steps walking upon dirty snow and thin layer of ice. I didn’t even bother at all with the songs from my silver iPod until a slow melancholy rhythm entered my brain…No Me Ames. Then suddenly I realised that I had missed my own way. I was several meters away from left-turned direction to my apartment. Kept saying, silly me...I stared almost at nothing to the empty space before continued crossing the street.

And then entered side yard of my apartment, so slippery that ground and I reminded myself not to make any fool steps on it. First thing came to my mind while I was opening the door was I urgently needed my blanket. Feeling lazy for changing my clothes I just threw myself and disappearing underneath my blanket. But not yet completely satisfied with that precious tiny little minute…suddenly noisy unbearable sound from upstairs floor. "What could have been nicer than this time", I sighed and grumbled: indeed regret not to stay longer in the place I just left.

At glance I saw throughout my window that the sky and the sun were outside having their fun together in the middle of this winter season. I whispered to the sky: “You should have shared me your shining sun for a while and let its warmth visiting my heart right now”…but it was just remaining empty and silent so I knew that sky had completely ignored me.

Trying to console myself alone…I closed my eyes and tried really hard to sleep and to forget everything…but there was one tiny stubborn micro-cell in my brain kept playing those sad parts. “oh please stop it”, I said to myself…”it was just nothing and you will be fine”, I tried to persuade myself. But, it was too late for me to control that stubborn micro-cell, it had just sent its speedy signal eventually to another part of my brain yet including my feeling to just freely having tears. No matter what kind of magic words I said to myself over and over again…but still tears and tears…and that how it was my yesterday. Honestly, I didn’t remember how I finally slept last nite, but one thing for sure it was a Japanese song called Melodies of Life could make me feeling better although only a little: “Megu riau no wa guuzen toi eru no” In your dearest memories, do you remember loving me?